Sunday, 19 January 2020
Virtuemart Extensions
A+ R A-
Welcome, Guest
Username: Password: Remember me
  • Page:
  • 1
  • 2

TOPIC: Victim Concept Clarification

Victim Concept Clarification 6 years 7 months ago #3673

  • ismeedee
  • ismeedee's Avatar
  • OFFLINE
  • Correspondent
  • Posts: 65
  • Thank you received: 3
Well... I've got so much I'd like to say about this but I will try not to make this too long and drawn out!

Ok, this is something that has floated around my head in different guises for many years. For one, I don't tend to fit in socially and I've always been aware that part of the difficulty for me is the inability to get into the 'hard done by' talk that seems to be the way to get people's attention and drawn into conversation. Apart from talking about the weather. I've always noticed that if you listen in on chatter, there is the high squeaky voices saying things like, 'did he really? Your'e joking' and 'that's just not on!' etc etc, you know what I mean, I'm sure. But what I didn't fully realise until this week is that the reason this occurs is because our entire reality, this game we're playing, acting out, is based on the victim-abuser scenario. EVERYTHING WE DO!!! It permeates our thoughts. Directs our actions. So now I'm in the process of getting out of that. Every time I have a realisation, I pick up whichever of the handbooks I'm currently reading over again and there it is- the exact thing going round my head. It's beautiful! The handbooks are helping of course.
As the handbooks says will happen (I read after it happened!) I have begun to get a clearer understanding of how it is all being, and has been for how many incarnations, playing out in my life. Suddenly I can see what's going on as if watching remotely. I know that I met my husband before (or many other dimensions now) and I had many dreams of that long before coming to the handbooks, so I already knew we'd met up in this incarnation for a purpose. But I'd believed it was all a romantic thing. It was not. He married me to get a visa to the UK. And I let him, but had no realisation that I was doing that. I love him. That is true. But what I love is the being beneath the shell he's wearing. What I don't know (because he's left me, because he now has his ILR) yet, is if he will be able to see that too. That will not be my problem. I am now making a huge step towards overcoming the victim/abuser scenario. I have not been a victim in this circumstance as I know I co-created it. But I also must not let him get away with it. I'm waiting for him to come back to the country as he is currently away, but did say he was coming back. Wish I could tell the entire story here, but it is practically book-length. Absolutely fascinating stuff, though!!!! Mind blowing! I'm still thinking this through and meditating on it as I wish to be sure that I am listening to my inner knowledge and not my head. But so far I feel quite strongly that I need to give him a choice and explain very clearly why I'm giving him that choice. NOT to victimise him nor to get back at him. But because I need to play this out, to stop the cycle. The choices are he is to come back and live with me and we work this all out and allow our inner true souls connect again as they did in the beginning. OR I have him arrested and sent back to his country. Both ways ask him to take responsibility, but one way is infinitely much harder. Whether he does take responsibility and figure it out is up to him, of course in either choice, but with the first choice I am here to help him, to remind him of who he is.
I'm not sure that with this limited space I have conveyed the essence of what I have concluded and why. But I'm happy to hear people's responses and if I need to clarify of course I will. I don't feel that I would be creating a new victim/abuser situation by asking him to stay with me like a prisoner because a)I'm confident that there is genuine love between our souls and b) I am only asking him to fullfil his original agreement with me to be married to me. And c)he will be better off in every way, including financial which is of course his terrestrial plan.
Does that make sense or is there something jumping out at anyone that I've missed? I do feel very confident with this. But I have time to tweak it as he is delayed in returning- interestingly.
The administrator has disabled public write access.

Victim Concept Clarification 6 years 7 months ago #3694

  • epss
  • epss's Avatar
  • OFFLINE
  • Emerging Voice
  • Posts: 28
  • Thank you received: 3
Hello ismeedee, thanks for keeping this topic alive!

Without pretending to comment the particular details of your case, it seems to me you are trying very hard to overcome your personal victim scenario. That's very positive! Not all people realize the victim status they currently are!

In my day to day perception and discernment, I see that not all persons really have the discernment of the victim situation each one is living in.
Our ego usually looks to all efforts to avoid getting out our comfort zone of beliefs, thoughts, etc.

Many people still live in «denial» situation: Without fully understanding and «accept» our current situation (first step), we are not able to full overcome it (second step).

Overcoming first step may take years of our life! (depends on complexity of each one experience in each scenario: marriage, religion, personal experiences, etc.). Even our subconscious mind doesn't let us see clearly.

Also. there is no specific rule of thumb to overcome our victim situation, except our truly and most deep will to overcome such situations and take full responsibility and awareness of it in our lives.

I would say that third step is helping others (after overcoming our own victim experience).

Wish you all the best to overcome it and become!
Last Edit: 6 years 7 months ago by epss.
The administrator has disabled public write access.

Victim Concept Clarification 6 years 7 months ago #3696

  • ismeedee
  • ismeedee's Avatar
  • OFFLINE
  • Correspondent
  • Posts: 65
  • Thank you received: 3
Thanks for that Epss! I have to say I'm really struggling over this situation. I'm sure it's meant to be difficult for me and a lot rests on how I handle it. I'm really letting my inner being lead me on this.

The question I'm asking my inner self is, 'will I create a new victim/abuser scenario by doing this. After all how else to explain telling him if he doesn't do one thing, I will take action except as a threat?

It's very important to me to keep this discussion going on here so that I feel absolutely confident in my thoughts and actions. What I keep repeating is that I only want to promote that which is for the highest and greatest good of all.
The administrator has disabled public write access.
The following user(s) said Thank You: R.Z.

Victim Concept Clarification 6 years 7 months ago #3697

  • epss
  • epss's Avatar
  • OFFLINE
  • Emerging Voice
  • Posts: 28
  • Thank you received: 3
The following message is valid only for persons who have overcome victim denial situation and are still a bit stuck/struggling to evolve from a particular event on their lives, no matter what it is

(so this is intended for all readers, not for ismeedee in particular)

There are people who overcome first and second steps only by following his inner self, inner thoughts, etc, which is good!
Also there are people who might decide to get some help from outside from their inner self.
There is nothing wrong with it! Provided we are pro actively working personally on overcoming our experiences and trying hard (remember, no rescue intended!)

Having said that, there are plenty of external tools to help us better understand our subconscious mind messages (which are very powerful)
One of them is this one (Carl Jung method)
www.thesap.org.uk/
jungclub-london.org/

A few notes:
- I have not tried that myself, I only mention it here because a close family relative has deeply studied this in university and says good things about it, although there are no «miracles» of course (so this is kind of second hand information). But if I found I would need, I would honestly give it a try!
- (I keep stating this:) Like everything, there is no absolute truth, each one has its own, so it is good to search for contradictory information, because it keeps our mind reinforced and strong in many ways, and make us think!

In other words, do not completely rely on everything you read, but question and seek for your own truth (is valid also for my post here, as there are certainly other ways for each one to overcome our personal experiences!)

Again, there is no rule of thumb..each case is a case, and each one must follow his own evolution path

Thanks for reading!
The administrator has disabled public write access.
The following user(s) said Thank You: ismeedee

Victim Concept Clarification 6 years 7 months ago #3698

  • R.Z.
  • R.Z.'s Avatar
  • OFFLINE
  • Administrator
  • Know Thyself
  • Posts: 296
  • Thank you received: 17
Ms. Dee -
Thank you for sharing and inviting discussion on your particular situation.
"The highest and best good for all" is a tricky phrase ... I am quite sure that many an atrocity has been committed behind that phrase. It is a matter of perception - what one person perceives as great good, another will surely perceive as great evil.
In the specific situation you've outlined for us, I can't help but think that the "all" involved here consists of yourself, your wayward partner, and your beautiful children. Surely there are others who will be affected by the actions of these few individuals, and in that respect the "all" can ripple out to include a vast number of people ... but your primary concern here is your children and yourself - maintain your focus there.

So you've outlined a possible course of action & invited discussion. What you've described is what I would call "the carrot and the stick". I expect we all share an understanding of that phrase.
If I were to proceed with what you are considering - I would stay very quiet about 'the stick' when offering 'the carrot'. You want the subject in question to reach for the carrot simply because of his desire for it. By telegraphing your next move (letting the subject know what 'the stick' will be) - you cannot ever know if his actions are motivated by one or the other. The carrot & stick work great when we seek only action, but in this instance - you really need to know that the action is motivated by the proper desire.
To bring this back around to perception - you must also be prepared for the possibility that what you consider a carrot, may be seen as a stick! Do not let this come as a surprise to you, if it does come ... be prepared for anything!

In conclusion: inspect your own motivations carefully. Influencing another's actions is a mighty responsibility - be sure that you are motivated by a desire for the 'highest & best good' of those young-uns you are working so hard to raise right.
You are the saviour you've been waiting for!
The administrator has disabled public write access.
The following user(s) said Thank You: ismeedee

Victim Concept Clarification 6 years 7 months ago #3707

  • ismeedee
  • ismeedee's Avatar
  • OFFLINE
  • Correspondent
  • Posts: 65
  • Thank you received: 3
Update: I'm not going through with my original plan. I'm re-thinking.
The administrator has disabled public write access.
  • Page:
  • 1
  • 2
Moderators: Doug, R.Z.
Time to create page: 0.092 seconds

Featured products